They Know Something

There is a Winter Storm Warning in effect for tonight. It is suppose to drop by over 40 degrees. Now I'm contemplating canceling this night time group I run, and the squirrels are preparing. They know something. All morning the squirrels have been gathering twigs and leaves and stuffing them in their nest. Like a process....take a twig, run up the tree, shove it in. So maybe the squirrel version of the weather channel told them about the winter storm warning. I'm imagining that if I were to get close enough to the nest, a squirrel sized satelitte dish would be uncovered. But as I wonder how bad its going to be tonight... they know.

How many times do we ignore that intrinsic knowing of what we should do? That the easiest way of moving forward is removing the bridge and then jumping across the ravine. Its hard physical labor, wrapped into the fear of leaping. But we don't find success and joy in walking over a bridge, we do in jumping over it.

We need to follow the squirrels. We do what our gut tells us, and then we play. We run and chase each other up and down trees. We play.

Play today.

Sermon 9-2-07

Ha! God hates me... gotta preach again. So the background of this is the lectionary didn't give me much to preach on, so I literally opened the bible and picked a passage. Numbers 22: 20-35. Balaam and the talking donkey.

Here's the background info and my plug for the FUMC puppeteers. They do a better job of creating these puppets than I do.

Balaam is a prophet. His job is to connect the people with God. Someone has a prayer request, Balaam takes it to God. God gives Balaam an answer and then Balaam takes it back to the person requesting. Balaam is known as a corrupt or wicked prophet.

Balaak is the king of Moab. Think small town. The Isrealites as they are wandering in the desert, stop near Moab. Large mass of foreigners that just stops near the city. Moab didn't have a department of tourism for the Isrealites. Moab simply didn't have the means to support the large influx of people. How quickly would they run out of food? Supplies? Would these people take over? Balaak needs to get rid of these people before they become too powerful for the city. Who should he call... the prophet, so God could curse them and make them leave.

This story goes something like....
Balaak call Balaam to come curse the Isrealites... "yo, man, I got these pesky foreigners in my backyard, can you talk to the big guy and hook up a little curse" Balaam thinks... oh, the king is calling me, this is good for business... Balaam being the upmost business man never known to pass up an opportunity... "sure I'll see what I can do"

So... Balaam talks to God... "Hey big guy, Balaak needs a curse on the Isrealites."
God says "DO NOT CURSE THE ISREALITES... THEY'RE MY CHOSEN PEOPLE"
Balaam says... " But dad..."
God says.... NO

So... Balaam goes back to Balaak... Sorry, God said no. Don't shoot the messenger...

So... Balaak bribes Balaam... Hey, what if I throw in a nice bonus for you... $20k....
Balaam....well... God said no, so sorry.
Balaak... $50k?
Balaam... umm...
Balaak... $100 K
Balaam... ignores him

Thats how we get to todays passage. God finall tells Balaam. Go, only if they come back again. But we see Balaam going anyways. He doesn't wait... he goes. On the way there, his donkey breaks down 3 times because the donkey sees God and responds to God and yet Balaam is obvlious. I can just see Balaam thinking... $100K.. a nice big screen TV, save a little for retirement, oh, I'd give a litte to the church, and buy a new donkey- what is with this donkey. Balaam is so focused on the going and planning and doing, that he misses God in all of it. Then the donkey starts to talk to him, and it doesn't faze him that the donkey is talking to him, but responds as if this is a normal everyday thing.

I think we all feel like Balaam sometimes. We are so focused on the going and doing, that we miss God in all of it.

It was January of 2006 when I was living in Eau Claire. I had worked in the non profit sector since Sept of 2004, and the entire time, God was calling me to ministy. I was at the point where I needed to focus on either working or volunteering in a ministry setting to see if I could do it and sick of living in Eau Claire. Its a great place to raise a family, but not a great place to be young and single. After spending most of the 6 months prior, looking to move to Minneapolis / Milwaukee. Interviewing with no success. Thinking I was moving to Milwaukee to take care of my grandmother to only have her die the weekend I was here interviewing for jobs. I hit a point where I knew I needed to leave Eau Claire, and find out if I was really suppose to be in ministry or go back to school and get a job I would make money in. I spend the first weeks of January interviewing for any job anywhere-Ohio, Washington, Minneapolis when I was walking home from the computer lab, and it hit me. I was moving to Milwaukee. I was let down, because I did the Milwaukee thing, I wanted something new. I still continued to look for jobs, focusing on Milwaukee and to some extent Mineapolis or St Paul, it made sense. After about a week of this. I had another knowing feeling. The job would find me. I thought I was tired, so I went home that night thinking of the unlikely possibiliy of a job finding me. I was talking to my co-workers, who pretty much knew I wanted to move, and told them about my feeling. I tried to ignore it, but two days later, I checked my email after lunch and received an email... we have this position open for a youth minister, would you apply. From Kaye Glennon.

Unpacking Why

Three months later, and I'm still fighting the call to being a pastor. I really will write sermons on this blog, but I know I am not the only one with this crap from their creator. But instead of just fighting this call, I'm trying to figure out why I'm fighting it. Why me as a pastor? I'm not the typical caring, nurturing woman. I can speak in public, but no on can understand me. I'm blunt-sometimes overly blunt-, sarcastic, and love a good beer. I do what I can do, but often try to do more that that. There's something about being outside that makes me giddy-camping, gardens, living off of the earth. This pastor shit might really make me unpeal my layers of my onion, learn more about my inner workings and then be emotional and all with people and feel and yeah... meh. It's not that I'm not emotional, its that I'm deeply emotional. To truely feel paralyzes me. To truely pray brings me to tears. This world is so fricken incredibly beautiful that to survive in it, we need to ignore the incredible beauty.

My experience in appalachia (Evarts Kentucky) is what I needed to kick my butt in gear. It allowed me to SLOW DOWN to truely open my heart to God, to feel, to cry every other day and begin to unpack what that all means. It's one thing to live the Christian life, do the Christian things, but its that fricken acceptance of being unconditionally loved by your creator that is humbling, healing, life changing.

To be unconditionally loved by my creator. How do I begin to unpack this... What is love? What does unconditionally mean? How do I know it's unconditional? Where's the fine print? I'm created? How am I created? What am I? Who is this creator? What does it mean to be created? If God is perfect and created me, how come I'm not perfect? But it's not the logical part that gets me... it's the emotional crap that does. But my creator created me, and loves me... thats a huge fricken responsibity. Now what do I do about it.

Introduction

After attempting to write sermons every month, I'm just giving up and getting in the practice of writing them weekly. Or, a reflection weekly. Sundays I will read the scripture and then take a few days to reflect before posting.

On a personal note, today is the day I gave up fighting my call to ordained ministry. However, I realize that this call is much more than a title on a church bulletin. To an extent, it's a way of life. It's being open to the messy-ness of following the voice of God. I believe that call is extended to all who follow and try to model Jesus of Nazareth.

I will lay out my personal bias right now. Jesus doesn't need to be divine or have bodily resurrected from the dead to be my lord and savior. The model of Jesus' life lived out in others compassion, forgiveness, healing and patience is what saved me. It's the overcoming of fear in all aspects of life. To overcome fear is to look up to the creator with faith that the creation taking place right now is the creation that is meant to be, as long as we are constantly striving to stay in tune to the holy spirit. God is a god of love, forgiveness, deep compassion, patience, and resilient pursuing of all people. God is constantly calling us and reaching out God's arms. Can we look past the legalistic interpretation of faith Jesus so strongly hated into a faith of love?